Are you lying?
This is part of the XYZ series and the author’s identity is kept anonymous
My economics paper was due that day during my 12th board exams. I had reached the examination centre around 30 minutes earlier. There were many people revising there already. I started skimming through my textbook, but ughh I just couldn’t concentrate as there was just a lot of noise there. I decided to take a walk on the lane beside the building where our exam was to be conducted.
That seemed like a good idea. I could finally read in peace. But the peace was short-lived. Suddenly someone grabbed me from behind, he was a friend of a guy in my college, I was not on good terms with. He shut my mouth with his hand and started touching me with his other. I was really struggling to free myself at this point. I had experienced sexual assault earlier in my life too, so this was incredibly hard for me. At the end, he fingered me and just left me on the street like he knew I would do nothing.
Writing the exam after all of this was hellish for me. I just wanted to go home and wanted my parents to hold and comfort me. Finally, the exam was over and I was home. After I told them as it happened, my mom’s first question to me was “Are you lying because your exam didn’t go well?” I knew that thing was going through my dad’s head too.
That question devastated me in the worst way possible. But it also made me think about how rampant victim blaming and not believing the victim is in our country.
I could easily think of a few more examples about myself too. I was fingered by my grandfather when I was 3, yes 3! I tried to tell my mom about it, but according to her, fingering a 3 year old was a way of showing love. In 10th standard, when I was getting regularly sexually assaulted, my parents told me I was instigating him by talking to him.
For a long time, I blamed myself for all that happened to me. But I worked a lot on that in therapy. I understood that the guilty ones were who did abuse me, I didn’t have any reason to feel guilty or ashamed.
Today, the victim blaming hasn’t stopped completely. My parents or relatives pass a comment or two. But I hardly get bothered now. Lastly, I can only wish that the vice of victim blaming and not believing the victim in our society reduces, and we get to live in a society where victims feel supported and not threatened.