Are You True To Yourself?
This article is a part of XYZ, a series under Kathaa where you can talk about your experiences- life-changing and vulnerable. The author has chosen not to remain anonymous.
-Harsh Dharmik
TY BSc 2022-25
Reading Time: 2 minutes
Every morning when I wake up, I find myself wanting to destroy everything around me, because of the mess I’ve created. That’s all I can do in order to destroy the actual mess inside me.
As the sun soars high in the sky, my knuckles turn dark and my ears turn red. When rage boils in the human heart, every other emotion seems to evaporate and disappear. I lose all sense of sympathy towards myself.
The same part of me that wanted to destroy everything starts to get exhausted and it doesn’t care about the mess anymore.
By the time the sun is about to set, I only have little left in me, enough to clean a corner and break down in it.
I appear to be a different person at different times of day, and obviously, I don’t know which one is my true self. My biggest fear is that I am none.
My purpose in writing this section today is to ask everyone reading a question.
‘What time of day do you feel like your most true self?’
I believe that at no point in our life we are our true selves. In order to stand out or to fit in, we always lie.
You attend that class you really didn’t want to, end up having a small talk with that person you were trying to avoid, finish the report you had no energy to, you convince yourself that you have enough time for that smoke break.
At each point in our day, we do things we truly don’t want to be doing. Not staying true to our desires is the biggest act of lying we commit every day.
By never fulfilling my truest desire of destroying myself, I lie to the entire world which in words translates to ‘I AM OKAY.’
Not after waking up, nor after having my breakfast. Not even when I am reading poetry or playing volleyball. I don’t feel like my true self at any time of the day in my regular life.
I would love to believe that everyone feels the same because even though I would love to be special, I don’t want to be alone in this abyss.
So please think and answer everyone.
‘What time of the day do you feel like your most true self?’